I didn't know what to do. With my eyes open, I was in a daze. Unconsciously, I picked up the remote in front of me and switched the idiot box on. Godd***** fate!! Of all songs that could have been playing, this had to be playing on. This fact and the sheer volume of the TV snapped me back into reality. Swiftly, I turned down the volume and started surfing.
Subconsciously again, I entered into the role of the 'idiot box vagabond'.
But, I'm an indulgent vagabond! Three hours later, with three distinct memories boxing around in my mindscape, I wondered who was more wrong.....
----
(3 hours ago)
Channel VOI:
Guy: This joke is awesome! Look, the cat is showing it's middle finger! Hahahaha...
Lady: Oh darn it! You good for nothing idiot. This is simply not working out!
Guy: Honey! What are you saying?
Lady: Gosh! Now you can't even follow simple English? I want to break up with you!
Guy: Why? Why all of a sudden?
Lady: All of a sudden? You are gifted you to be dumb, aren't you?!
Guy: (in tears) What did I do wrong?
Lady: Wrong?!?!? What did you do right? It has been three years since our prom, since your first mistake! The day you came and proved that your IQ was as big as a peanut! Remember when you asked my dad if you could marry me?!! We were going for a bloody prom and you came in with a proposal!!
Guy: Is it my fault that I was in love with you since then?!
Lady: Love is great honey! You are a great lover! I'll give that much to you. Some use of all that gyming! But, why can't you use your head! Three years back, I had hoped that you'd change. You'd begin using your head!
Guy: Me trying to keep you happy pisses you off!!
Lady: For heaven's sake man, go buy a bloody head, a bloody mind, a bloody intellect!
Guy: What do you mean, get a bloody intellect?
Lady: This is what pissed me off! You like this sofa, Why, you have no clue?! You want to watch the game, Why, you have no clue?! You want to go to the movies, Why, you have no frigging clue!? You'll vote for him, Why, he looks good! You want to start a garage sale company, why, you think it is a brilliant idea! You want to do it that way, why, you saw it on the porno!!
Guy: You've always been like this!! Insulting my intellect, insulting my decisions, insulting my thoughts, insulting my ideas, insulting my opinions, insulting my intellect!!
Lady: You don't have a bloody intellect!!
[Me] This is insane. How sissy can a guy get! But, isn't the lady wrong? Looking at his face, hearing the pain in his voice; it ain't difficult to see that his love has some substance. But, why does this lady ignore his love, violate his intelligence?!?! Is 'violation of intellect' pardonable in love? Is 'violation of intellect' pardonable in any relationship?
Subconsciously, the trigger went again and I was onto this other Channel.
--
(2 hours ago)
Channel VOB:
Co-ordinator: Thank you Sharon! Thank you for sharing your woes. I hope you are feeling better. I'd do the same if I were in your place.
(The group mumbles approval of Sharon's actions and claps in chorus)
Co-ordinator: Glad that we all agree. Now, dear (looking the lady next to Sharon), would you like to share something with us.
Lady: My name is Sujatha. I got married in India and he helped me get here. For the first two months, I felt like a princess from a fairy tale. Everything was so hunky-dory. He treated me so well. Then that night....I still remember, he said that he'd heard from his friends that this....this particular form of sex......was wonderful. At first I was horrified!! I heard from my friends that insertion into the behind is the most painful thing!!....He was husband, I was naive and we were in love. Yes! He was also in love with me. So, I was acquiescent.
It hurt.
But the love in his eye and the soothing magic in his voice pacified all my agony. I didn't realise that it was just the beginning. (Tears swell out of her eyes) Then he got some toys. There was only one reason I played along: LOVE.
But this was a form that left scars and marks on me. Scars that'll take a lifetime to heal. Marks that become part of my identity. So long as the 'love' marks could be hidden, it was okay. But, his lust took over him like a madness. Before I realised.......(Breaks down, sobbing)
(Group sighs together. Some of the women are in tears...)
Co-ordinator: Love is a powerful force and it makes us do almost everything. But some of us misuse the charm it can hold. At times, things might go too far. I don't want to press you into revealing anything....
Lady: (Trying to recover) Thanks. I'm feeling a little better. The worse part of it was, he'd make up for his monstrosities the next day. Flowers, 'I love yous', kisses....everything. The whole bargain. It was difficult for me to match the guy whom I saw in the night and whom I saw in the day. Infact one day he picked up a fight up a friend because he made a lewd comment at me. I was sure that he was in love with me. But his fantasies got wilder by the day. (Lifts her sleeves upto shoulder length. The gore remains of that lustful werewolf, sting the spectators eyes. Some of the women gasp in horror!) One day, I decided to stand up. I decided to reason. I knew my love could heard. But that night....that night....he re....re.........rapped me (Her cheeks are wet with tears)
Co-ordinator (in tears herself): He re....he........he really did that?
Lady: He loved me!
Co-ordinator (struggling to regain her composure): Even in love, is violation of the body permissible? Scars heals, marks can be covered; true. But, is the very violation of the integrity of the physical existence pardonable?
[Me] All the titillation that was pumping blood to my organ; tided away with that last statement! I started thinking....how inhuman is rape, whether in love or not? For that matter, how inhuman is the violation of the body? Before I could dive deeper into this abyss, I realised that I had switched the channels again.
--
(One hour earlier)
Channel VOH:
Guy: Hey sweetheart. [Gives the red rose to her]
Lady: (With a thoroughly bored expression) Hi.
Guy: Hey, whats wrong? Why are you so dull?
Lady: Ahh...thanks for the rose. I need to tell something to you...there is no sweet way to do it...I'll just come straight....I'm done.
Guy: Huh?
Lady: I'm done with you.
Guy: What?
Lady: We are done. We are over. This is the last time I'm meeting you.
Guy: What happened? Why all of a sudden?
Lady: I got what I wanted. I have no more interest in you.
Guy: What? You got what you wanted? What the hell was that?
Lady: Access to the C-Suite.
Guy: What? Then, why this whole drama of liking me?
Lady: Think of it as courtesy. Think of it as politeness.
Guy: Why? Why did you have to play with my feelings, if all you wanted was to get access to them!!
Lady: Well, you can keep going on and on about it. Why are you behaving like we are a couple!
Guy: What! We aren't a couple? What about all the roses? What about all the night long conversations? What about all the kisses? What about all the love-you's?! What about all the plans for our marriage?? What about all those 'house-decking' conversations!?
Lady: C'mon. If you didn't think, we were a couple; I wouldn't have gotten what I wanted! Grow up. You aren't rich. You aren't the most good-looking. Neither are the most powerful. But you do have access to the most powerful in the organization. Thank you for inviting me to the dinner last week.
Guy: You could have thrown this darned bomb on last week itself.
Lady: I did. I was subtle. In retrospect, I think I shouldn't have been.
Guy: Darn it! You can't get away by playing with my emotions. Making me think that you are the sweetest angel on this planet. Letting me weave dreams around us. Driving me so crazy about you. Allowing me to bask in your fragrance!
Lady: Watch me!
With this she got up. Shouted out to the waiter, "Can you help me out! This guy here is harassing me!"
[Me] What on earth! She just played him! Darn it! She should be stoned to death in a public square! How can anyone do that! Is this violation of the heart, permissible?
-----
The phone started ringing. I took the call, "Sorry. I'm so sorry!"
The anger in me started dispersing like the pollen in the gentle autumn breeze....