Series: This tail's got a wrong spin - 1
"God**** f*****g b**c*!" exlcaimed Lingesh, punching the air with his fist. To ensure that his agony was made clearer, he shouted again, "God**** f**..."
"Uff! Are we still on Ricks?! And please stop cussing Linga! Swear words won't get you anywhere with a woman", pleaded Sati, angrily.
Linga: How can I not cuss! What on earth does she want?!
Sati: Maybe she doesn't want anything! Stop expecting the world to revolve around you! Anyways, what happened now? Why are you getting pulled back into that blackhole?
Linga: She was talking to that guy again, the same chap who made his impressions in that office game. She knew I'd notice. She knew, I'd be bugged with that!
Sati: Ah! Despite all your 'let's make this a better place by collaborating, why compete..." delusions, you are competitive!
Linga: Compete...What that Madrasi! Please don't insult me!
Sati: Oh! C'mon. He atleast has an image in the office space. What did you do to attract anyone's attention? And besides, I gotta to admit myself; he has a good body.
Linga: Body! Now, we are shooting off on a random tangent!
Sati: How is it random?! He made his mark, he has a good body. Any lady in office will make small talk with him! And you! Gosh! Do you even know that there is bounce when you walk! If not a body, you gotta get rid of those man-boobs of yours!
Linga: Okay fine, she likes him. I don't care about that. And no! I'll never downgrade myself by competing with a Madrasi. That's going South in life, literally!
Sati: Then, what is this sudden fuss about!
Linga: I don't know. I'm not able to put her out of my head! Why the hell did she throw all those signals my way. I made verbal contact! Well, not in the sweetest of ways; but I did make up for it! What's her problem, why isn't she reciprocating...
Sati: Alright baby...Slow down. Slow down now. Let's take it bit by bit. Throw all those signals my way! You take that 'Alchemist' book a bit too much to heart! Maybe they were not signals! Maybe she was just going about her life; and you saw something that didn't exist!
Linga: Ah! Look who's talking. How many times have you tried selling the concept of 'The Secret' to me! And in anycase, you yourself pointed out that the lady was trying to grab my attention!
Sati: Well, I agree. Some of instances were a bit too uncanny to ignore. But, after considerable thought - I mean it's been over 3 months you've been trying for this girl - I think that they were no signals! Period!
Linga: Oh! Did I tell you? The other day her friends gheraoed me at the coffee machine.
Sati: Gheraoed! Stop being paranoid! I'm sure they didn't corner you with even so much as a word! I'm telling you, you are chasing a ghost!
Linga: This isn't paranoia! This is self-obsession. Everyone in the world is entitled to their share of that. Fine, lets discount the gheraoing bit. What do you say to all those eye-locking games? What do you make of her appearing to take coffee as the same time as me, so many days at a stretch?
Sati: Linga! Seriously! I'm spelling it out for you - T-H-E-R-E-W-E-R-E-N-O-S-I-G-N-A-L-S! You gave her attention, she enjoyed it a bit. She played you for a while. She got bored. She forgot all about it.
Linga: I'm telling you there were....
Sati: Now, moving onto the next bit. You made verbal contact!
Linga: Oh yeah! I expected her to make the move. She didn't. Fine, being in the guy, I did!
Sati: Think about it Linga. You are smart. Why do you think she never made the move?
Linga: She doesn't have the courage!
Sati: You chauvinist. Don't be so disparaging of a women!
Linga: So, what are you telling me! She never wanted to make a move?
Sati: If a women did want to make conversation with you, she would have done it. Trust me, I know how these things work.
Linga: F*** ya! Just a couple of weeks back you were saying "Oh! C'mon. You should say Hi. Don't expect her to start a conversation. She is already dropping hints all over the place...."
Sati: I admit, I did. I'll also admit, I made a mistake. I could hear and read only your perspectives. But now that I put my women's heart to work and digest all that, I'm giving an updated perspective. The real perspectives.
Linga: So, you are telling me that every woman out there; who is interested in a guy - will make the first move.
Sati: Don't generalise. Lets talk only about Ricks. You've noticed her in office. She does seem to be the ambitious type. You've noticed her make conversation with a lot of male colleagues too. You have seen her smile, in generous measure in those conversations. If she wanted to make conversation with you, she would have!
Linga: Yeah, we did go over this line of argument earlier. Didn't we agree earlier that she didn't have the context to make a conversation with me?
Sati: Yes, so you created a context. That facebook message. Cornering her in the night, late in the day, on a bloody weekend - to claim ownership of your facebook stalking! Yes, you created a context. I'd say it was a criminal context, at best.
Linga: Yes, I admit. We didn't start off on a great note. But, what could I've done?
Sati: Okay, I'm going to spell this out again for you P-R-E-S-E-N-C-E-O-F-M-I-N-D. In all those instances that you said she was throwing signals your way, all you had to do was 'pick 'em up, smiled and danced on the chance!'
Linga: Now again! You admit there were signals!
Sati: Moron. I'm just preparing you for future blackholes!
Linga: Oh shaddup...
Sati: Now, there remains the last thread. You made conversation, she didn't reciprocate.
Linga: Yeah! I still don't get it!
Sati: How on earth did you get so entrenched in her charm! When she didn't even spin it on you!
Linga: What are you talking about?!
Sati: Are you the dumbest person on the planet!! Who doesn't reciprocate?!
Linga: Someone who gets nervous, when you catch 'em off-guard!
Sati: Linga, weren't you the one who noticed the ring on her finger!?
Linga: So, you think that her committment or whatever that ring signifies is holding her back!?
Sati: No, you idiot! I'm telling you that you don't matter to her!
Linga: God**** f****n* ***ch!
Sati: Oh c'mon
Linga: Not Ricks, you!
Sati: What the hell! I have come here to help you out and this is how you treat your wellwishers?
Linga: That's precisely the point. You are here to help me, not stab me with dollops of logic and rationale!
Sati: Linga, we can keep playing this game for a while longer. But, then eventually I'll have to break it out to you. I'm just avoiding the delay, which in my opinion reduces the pain!
Linga: (laughing) You are speaking as if I had a crush on her or something!
Sati: You should hear yourself talk Linga. Not me, every girl in the world will think the same.
Linga: Well, I don't want to. Anyways, given that you are high on logic and reason - hypothetically - if a girl doesn't respond / reciprocate, what should a guy do? Assuming that he can't get her out of his head?
Sati: Two things. First - maintain contact consistently, repeating only those instances where her response was favourably. That means, no facebook messaging!
Linga: Ok, I've blocked her on fb anyways.
Sati: What on earth!!!
Linga: Anyways, what's the second thing?
Sati: Why did you block her on facebook?
Linga: How does it matter? Haven't you just lawyered me that she isn't interested in me? She probably doesn't even know it.
Sati: You need psychiatric care.
Linga: C'mon what's the second thing?
Sati: Be shameless
Linga: What do you mean?
Sati: Keep trying. Don't get battered down by the failures. Persistence, constant attention - these are a couple of things women don't mind at all.
Linga: Copy that. Anyways, it's a weekend. What are your plans for the night?
Sati: When you called me and asked me to meet you in the breakout area; I assumed you had a plan with me in mind....
Linga: My plans always revolve around you, you know that?
Sati: I can see that, Linga.
Linga: Well, they do have the scope to involve others as well. But that doesn't mean that you aren't in 'em too. Anyways, a new club is opening in town tonight, we have the invites.
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An hour later:
Friend: So Linga, what says she?
Linga: Yo bro! Imprint these in your head - be shameless; keep trying; make your impressions in office; appear as that high-potential person; have a good body; display strong presence of mind; and yeah don't send her message on fb!
Friend: What on earth man! I don't want to woo her you know! I just want to befriend her.
Linga: Dude, this is all for that only. Mind you, she is the ambitious type. It'll take a lot more that what I just told you; to actually woo her.
Friend: So, how do you think I should proceed?
Linga: We will be going out to the new club tonight. Thanks for giving us the invites. I'll introduce you.
Friend: What on earth! We went through this long drama, of over 3 months - for what! - for you to introduce us! You could have done it, without any of this dramarama!
Linga: I could have. But, now you know what it takes to succeed with her. I don't like seeing failures in my friends.
Friend: Screw you dude! You speak like I'm in love with here or something!
Linga: You should hear yourself talk about her, you'll know. Oh btw, thank Ricks. I'll thank her from my end too, for putting up this facade. It worked.
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